well, here I sit at my computer. many, many thought racing through this brain of mine. Sounds crazy I know. And of course....alot of what's racing through my head has nothing to do with real life. I'm hooked on tv and I've done nothing but try to figure out ways for my favorite characters to survive. Okay...let's start with Buffy. Okay. I watched the latest episode Touched. Unlike alot of Tara fans, I loved the show. Does that make me a bad Tara/Amber fan? I say...NOT! I adore Tara. I adore Amber. If it weren't for Tara and Amber I would probably be stuck working at the fricking Pizza Parlor on base right now. Yes, that's right. If not for them, I wouldn't have gone to film school following my dream of film making. Let me tell ya, I have never been so devastated at the death of a tv character in my life. I watched in horror as Warren killed Tara last May. I couldn't believe it....I refused to believe that Joss, ME and the rest of the TPTB let Tara die. I was in denial for a long time. I watched the 2 episodes of Buffy following Tara's death with the hope that Tara would miraclously come back to life. I mean, it is after all a tv show, but alas, it wasn't to be. Tara was dead and that was that. I cried, cursed and refused to watch Buffy. It may sound stupid, but it was months before I could watch any episode of Buffy with Amber in them because Tara had been killed. My heart hurt.....yes, ladies and gentlemen, my chest ached when I saw Amber on Buffy as Tara. I loved Tara as if she were a close friend....someone I actually knew. Well, by the time the new tv season rolled around, I found myself in front of the tv on Tuesday night waiting for the new season of Buffy. Yep, I watched it....I saw Willow grieving. According to some, apparently her grieveing wasn't enough, but she did. I decided that I would support Alyson Hannigan. yes, I was going to watch Buffy even though, Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon and the rest had saw fit to kill Tara. Why? At that moment, I have no idea. I was still mad and grievening myself, but I sat there and I watched. I got drawn in again. Yes, the talent that abounds in that show drew me in and I was addicted in no time. Does that make me a bad Amber fan? I don't think so. I know that Amber would respect my decision to continue to watch the show, just as I respect her decision to not return to the show. That's just the way it goes. I even had to convince Hubby to watch the show with me. I didn't think he was so upset about Tara, but he was. He's a big Aly fan, so it surprised me that I had to coax him to join me in watching Buffy. Anyway, here I am...still watching Buffy, without Amber/Tara (and I miss them both terribly), but I"m liking it for the most part. I have enjoyed watching the emergence of Potential slayers; in fact, I love Kennedy. I have loved Kennedy ever since she stepped over the threshold of the Summers household. Yes, this was before I knew that she and Willow would be getting together. There was just something about this girl that I liked.....and it has turned into more than jsut like. Iyari Limon has done a great job with Kennedy and I keep my fingers crossed that possibly she can be spun off into a new show. Kennedy is a cool character. Yep, I'm sure I"m going to get alot of lip for that statement, but Kennedy is cool. I'm glad they have introduced her into Sunnydale. I say...bring on more Kennedy! Okay, enough of that. I think I've made my stance clear....Kennedy cool. :)

Now, as for other tv characters that have been on my mind are Lena Kundera and Bianca Montgomery from All My Children. Why? Well, I've been watching AMC since Bianca came back in...what was it....2000? Eden Riegel (who protrays Binx) is a great actress. She has brought me to tears many a time.....that's a big thing for me. The poor girl, Binx, hasn't had a decent relationship. She is always falling for the wrong person. It bugs the hell out of me that she is always falling for the wrong person. Her first love, Sarah, was just completely confused and manipulated by her mom....poor girl. I still hold out hope that Sarah will return. This is a soap after all. :) Then she fell for Laura. Poor Binx, then it was Frankie. Elizabeth Hendrickson joined the cast as Frankie and it was amazing at the chemsitry that she and Eden had on screen. It was wonderful....the writers could have had a field day with this, but ......Frankie was murdered before it could go anywhere. The fans were outraged! yes, it was horrible.....there was a huge letter writing campaign....and sure enough, Elizabeth was brought back, but as Frankie's twin Maggie. Still, you saw the chemistry between Liz and Eden. It's rare....but there it was. It should have been no question that these two wonderful actresses should ahve been together in a relationship on the show. Really!! But, alas, nope....Maggie "likes guys". Poor Bianca. Again, Bianca has put her heart out there and had it crushed. At the moment Maggie said she liked guys, I refused to watch AMC. Yep, I had given up on Binx ever having a decent relationship. I figured it was hopeless......it's okay for Bianca to be gay, but she can't have a girlfriend. Honestly, I refused to watch the show. A couple of days later I asked myself..."what are you doing? You like Eden Riegel. You like Elizabeth Hendrickson....you should watch AMC just to support them. So, I started watching again within a week of the "I like guys" statement from Maggie. Ok, well, I continued to watch but not religously....occassionally.....until.....yes, there were rumors that Binx was finally going to get a girlfriend. Yes!!! I was happy. Now, at first, I wasn't happy with the person they were going to link her with....Lena. Lena had a questionable background....and something just bugged me about her accent. (come to find out the actress Olga Sosnovska has a british accent and her ancestry is from Poland). Anyway, the accent made her sound "fake" to me. But that's neither here nor there. Bianca was headed for a romance with Lena. I wasn't happy, but I was. If that makes any sense. Now, since the big "kiss"...I've been hooked. Olga has won me over with her spectacular acting. I truly believe she loves Bianca and will do anything to protect her....but this being a soap opera.....the road to romance will be a bumpy one....if not a big flooded road with lots of detours. I'm looking forward for the ride. The story line is getting better with each day. I have to cross my fingers that the new head writer will continue this storyline. It's very bold for daytime television....and I truly believe it should be explored! AMC...give us more Lena and Bianca!!!

Back to Amber Benson. I love Amber. She is my biggest inspiration. She is someone I aspire to be. She is open and honest and well.....just a wonderful human being. She is talented and nice and.....are there enough adjectives for this woman. I would love to meet her again. I would love to sit down with her and discuss film making. She has made her own film.....co-wrote and directed a show for the internet with Christopher Golden....and I would love to just discuss her views on bringing things from script to screen. I'm sure it would be an enlightening conversation. Oh well....she's just a wonderful person....and one day I hope to work with her.

Okay....this is probably the longest entry I've even made to this journal. Maybe I've come across as really wordy or totally crazy. Hell, who knows. I just know I feel passionate about things and it irks me when people don't want to hear what I have to say when I will sit and listen to their point of view. I sometimes feel that people don't like me because of my view points. I have not said much on the Essense board because I don't think poeople will understand. I love Willow/Tara....and I love Willow/Kennedy. Honestly, I don't think that's a bad thing. I still love Tara...I always will. Like I said earlier, if not for her and Amber, I would not be where I am now. I am eternally grateful to them. Honest.

Teresa70
Standard Amberholic
Posts: 18
(11/11/00 6:10 am)